My childhood, my teenage years, my adulthood, and the years to come is the life of a stutter. I’ve learned to embrace my stuttering but my earlier years I was ashamed, felt helpless, and felt cursed.
Growing up I was made fun of because of the way I spoke which caused me to have to fight others to defend my self-esteem. I always felt that if I didn’t stutter then I could accomplish anything. I felt like my stuttering was a crippling cause of my misfortunes. Like most teenage kids dreaming of glory, I felt like that would never happen to me, because how could someone who is cursed with stuttering be blessed with glory.
I was mad at God. I felt like God didn’t like me so he cursed me. I never felt like stuttering was a disability. I felt like it was more of a curse by God. I was mad at God. I’ve been through many speech rehabilitation programs and have seen many speech therapists. While there were some progress in controlling my stuttering, nothing was ever a cure. Ooooooh how I longed for a cure.
My pride for many years made me refuse to see my stuttering as a disability. I didn’t want to feel like I was flawed. It took me sometime to accept my stuttering as a disability, though not as a flaw, but as a characteristic.
My best friend would express his self-esteem being shattered because he was going bald, and would express his jealousy of my full thick head of hair. I would tell him, I would give anything, and I mean anything, to be able to speak fluently. I would go bald, lose limbs, and suffer anything, just to be able to speak without stuttering. While stuttering is not a disability that is externally noticeable (before speaking), it is a disability that had a large strain on your mental stability, your anxiety, and mostly your self confidence.